he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
