You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
