No stitches, just platelets and will power
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We are two peas in an std pod
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
