My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
