i already hear my dad disowning me
im six kinds of drunk right now
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize