You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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