i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
