somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
is wine microwaveable?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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