SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
