your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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