i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
