I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
