don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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