just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
