If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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