I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
