I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
