these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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