so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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