I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
