Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
