I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
