You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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