i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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