Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Randomize
