just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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