Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
