Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
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