I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
