youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
