So drunk, too bad you don't want this
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
