What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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