i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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