Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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