I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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