I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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