Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
