you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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