It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
