This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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