whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
