Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
