I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
