??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
