I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
