I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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