Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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