All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
