if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Randomize
