i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
