We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
