I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
