thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
