I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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