I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
