a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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