she looked like the before picture.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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