Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
