Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
