Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
