who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
