I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
