I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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