In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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