Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
