I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
