I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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