He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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