I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
