DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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