Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
