hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
