Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my sisters under your porch take her home
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
