Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
