god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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