Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
is wine microwaveable?
she peed on how many people?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
