So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
