i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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