mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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