Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
