you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
