sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
