I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
