i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
